Publix and the eager beaver fatigue

you know how in most Marvel movies there comes a 12 minute fight/destruction scene (sometimes 2 scenes!) where there is so much action, so much destruction, so much slamming of the super-humans and/or aliens that it is now impossible to suspend disbelief? you've slid out of the movie world, and all heretofore interest just shuts down.

you do? 

great. see, I call that fight fatigue, and I have faithfully saved that phrase for that specific disinterested time-suck in all superhero/action films. but recently, I have discovered a new fatigue at my not-quite-close-enough-to-be-called neighborhood grocery store, Publix.

eager-beaver fatigue

over the years, I make attempts at being a good mom to my adult-ish, out-of-the-house offspring in the form of care packages. I like to include a little surprise, or a memory inducer item, and almost always a stack of fruit leather. (see image below)

not tooting my own good-mom 🎺 , but I have been known to hit 2 or 3 grocery stores to get as many fruit flavor options of these individually wrapped strips of deliciousness.

now depending on the store, it can be a little tricky to find these lil suckers. 

your first thought is to look for the store's aisle hanging sign system that has the word "healthy".

or maybe you search by zoning in on that little 🌱 symbol, awesome(!), you and I def think alike. #👊🏼

but, what if...

*disheartened, holding back a sigh*

but what if those really good Sherlock Holmes worthy sleuthing skills don't lead to a stack of fruit leathers, along with a happy mom-smile that she's found the holy grail items of care packages?

huh? what now?

💡!

I spin around, laser beam focus in search of a Publix Associate, confident that this perfect store (aside from the no u-scan disastah!) will put aside all my fruit leather/good-mom/perfect care package anxiety. no presh. hehehe

Publix Associate: 🗣️ "and how are y'all on this beautiful Georgia day? I hope y'all are doin' just wonderful! are y'all lookin' for something? can I help?" (if you read that in a southern North Georgia accent, bravo. also, my eager beaver radar definitely pinged)

me: 👁️👄👁️ (thrown off that I've finally heard a southern accent in Georgia cuz everyone's a transplant) "uh, umm... fruit leather?

PA: *thinks she's misheard me*, "come again?"

me: "fruit leather."

PA: *eyes flit back and forth in a does not compute fever* "I'm sorry, I don't... did y'all say 'fruit leather?"

me: *head nodding* "fruit leather." 

I decide to be more helpful and throw out, 

me: "individually wrapped." (helpful, right?!)

PA: *points over her shoulder* "have y'all tried our produce section, for... fruit leather?"

now, as any experienced care-packager, grocery store blogger will tell you, fruit leather is never in the produce section. it defies logic(!), well, it defies grocery store logic. but I can see I've thrown a wrench into the beaver's eager, and decide to play nice. I thank her for the life-changing guidance/info and move to the nearby produce.

almost immediately, I'm pounced upon by another Publix associate/beaver. I ask for her help after being assured that I look like I could use some help, and that she was THE person that wants, and will help! cue her big beautiful Publix smile 😃

😒 #doIlookliketheUndercoverBoss?

"fruit. leather."

she eagerly takes two steps to the fruit area, "we have so many varities of fr--", she stops, "did you say fruit leather?!"

eager beaver fatigue has now completely washed over me, it's a veritable tsunami of the fatigues. I smile and walk away, turn the corner of deli aisle, and pull out my google maps app to guide me to Kroger.

suddenly, the OG eager beaver pops(!) in front of me. no lie, I startled back--expecting a Mary Poppins cartoon rendition of Publix with a penguin entourage to lead me to the elusive fruit leather. but, no. #moresthepity

OG EB PA: "if y'all will just follow me, I think I figured it out!"

she led me to another aisle, the hanging sign read, "candies, snacks, breakfast bars." I mentally rolled my eyes, but pulled up my kind big girl pants, and quickened my step to catch up to her speed walking.

OG EB PA: "I think what y'all meant is..." she extends her arm to direct my eyes to the wall of

OG EB PA: "fruit roll-ups!

that's when I see the micro-twitch in her right eye. there's an intensity to this eager beaver that flits between sincerity and insanity. kind big girl pants securely tightened up to my ribcage (wishing they were also bulletproof), I reach for the box, smile, and thank her profusely. 

she exhaled her complete relief, confident that she indeed "made my day". 

I exhaled my own relief--relieved that this southern woman did not utter the karmic curse taught to all southern woman:

"well bless your heart!"

#supercalifragilisticexpialidocius

Publix and the thermal exhaust port flaw

don't mean to imply Meijer was dirty, but I feel safe saying it was more often than not tired looking, or had an overall "lived-in" vibe? very lived-in.

this Publix store is clean. very clean; mom-frenzy-cleaned-because-company-is-coming(!) clean. 

I had no idea an Easter Peeps™️ display could evoke almost sacred/reverential emotions. the cellophane boxes were lined up by color, then by animal, that all fit perfectly (OCD perfectly), within the display edges. 

aaaannndddd, nary a skewed dot-eye on the chicks, nor a missing dot-nose on the bunnies. it was as if the sugared chicks and bunnies had a perfect sugared gene pool; no sugared birth defects! HOW?! is that even natural? #GMOsuspicions

I move deeper into the store. 

at Meijer, the deli is always a haphazard free for all section. Hanging packaged cheese, and/or packaged sliced lunch meats are always intermingling--swiss cheese shoved onto the bologna hanger, ew. cold rotisserie chickens dropped on top of a row of veggie wrap sandwiches. ew. (don't even get me started on the day-old $2 plastic pot of potato salad cavorting around the Boar's Head! 🐗) #thenerve

you get the idea, Meijer deli mayhem, with the added bonus of the put-me-out-of-my-misery staff.

despite the initial religious experience with the Peeps™️, I was sure the Publix deli would be on par with Meijer. 

nope.

it, all of it, was, was beautiful. my eyes strained to find the flaw, none. I bug-eyed spun 360° taking in the color pallette--yes(!), I said pal-lette! 

with every fiber of my being, I believe they color schemed the entire deli! the harmony, the cohesiveness of the collection (<--- Project Runway fashion show speak). 

every deli detail was noted, every inviting nuance was on display--clean, ordered, eye-flow--it was all there. my eyes darted to the DIY soup dispensary. 

"ah-ha!" I inwardly sneered, "surely there are smatterings of broccoli cheese and chicken noodle soups all over the counter. or at least multi-sized bowls with missing matching lids." 

nope. and, an aside brain-scream, "HOW?!"

looking almost like a Meijer crazy I fast-walked (a true Meijer crazy would run--I've seen it) down each aisle, section after section, grocery item after grocery item, all perfectly aligned. 

suddenly recalling I had a list, I went into auto-pilot and carefully removed each item on my list, afraid to knock something out of alignment, unsure if a supernatural ripple-effect would cause a cosmic cataclysm.

I made my way to the front of the kinda-sorta intimidating gorgeous store, trying to decide if I loved my new grocery stomping grounds, or was afraid of all the perfection--do I belong in a perfect store?--when I found it-- 

the flaw. 

the thermal exhaust port in the Death Star flaw. (love me a good Star Wars ref #tehetehe)

the I'm-now-living-in-the-country-closest-grocery-store-to-me(!) Publix 

has

no 

self-checkout. 

y'all. this single disastrous flaw means I'm being forced into the world of cashier/customer small talk. please send thoughts and prayers.

#maytheSouthernForcebewithme